Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, December 16th, 2009 | Uncategorized | 63 Comments
Glynn Cardy, Anglican vicar of St. Matthew-in-the-City, Auckland, New Zealand, may have written and spoken the single most offensive Christmas message that I’ve ever read. Let’s start with Cardy’s crude, brain-dead and borderline-pornographic caricature of his opponents’ theological position:
Christian fundamentalism believes a supernatural male God who lived above sent his sperm into the womb of the virgin Mary. Although there were a series of miraculous events surrounding Jesus’ birth – like wandering stars and angelic choirs – the real miracle was his death and literal resurrection 33 years later. The importance of this literal resurrection is the belief that it was a cosmic transaction whereby the male God embraced humanity only after being satiated by Jesus’ innocent blood.
By “fundamentalism,” Glynn means anyone who believes the Christian religion so Cardy’s talking about serious Roman Catholics and Orthodox as well. But God as “male?” The Holy Spirit as “sperm?” I thought it was us fundies who were obsessed about sex.
Glynn, have you ever heard the one about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit because it seems to me that you’re awfully close to…oh, never mind. We have some really stupid “theology” to get to.
Progressive Christianity believes the Christmas stories are fictitious accounts designed to introduce the radical nature of the adult Jesus. They contrast the Lord and Saviour Caesar with the anomaly of a new ‘lord’ and ‘saviour’ born illegitimate in a squalid barn. At Bethlehem low-life shepherds and heathen travelers are welcome while the powerful and the priests aren’t. The stories introduce the topsy-turvy way of God, where the outsiders are invited in and the insiders ushered out.
Progressive Christianity doesn’t overlook Jesus’ life and rush to his death. Rather it sees the radical hospitality he offered to the poor, the despised, women, children, and the sick, and says: ‘this is the essence of God’. His death was a consequence of the offensive nature of that hospitality and his resurrection a symbolic vindication.
Dumbass, er, Glynn? Some of us have two questions. Why would the Romans care about some really nice guy in a really obscure portion of the Empire? I’m not that versed in Roman history but I don’t think the Romans executed people simply because they hung out with low-lifes. I could be wrong and if I am, please correct me in the comments.
And let’s revisit that “God embraced humanity only after being satiated by Jesus’ innocent blood” line above, shall we? Which is worse, Glynn?
God Incarnate dying an agonizing death on the Cross for the sins of the world? Or your deity allowing a really nice guy to die an agonizing death on the Cross to provide people like you with a REALLY bitchin’ metaphor 2,000 years later?
But Glynn’s not done. Accompanying the message is a picture which Cardy says is a billboard outside St. Matthew-in-the-City that his “church” seems to have paid for.
If you want to look at it, click on the link at the top of this post. If you don’t, just know that as far as I’m concerned, this might not be “Piss Christ” but it’s about as close as you can possibly get.
And alleged “Christians” thought it would be a good idea to turn it into a billboard to be seen by any Aucklander driving by.
UPDATE: Here’s Dumbass’s, er, Glynn’s actual sermon in which he says all this crap with an apparently straight face.