BREAKING

Friday, July 10th, 2009 | Uncategorized

The Episcopal Organization has gone completely insane:

Resolved, the House of _______ concurring, That this 76th General Convention of The Episcopal Church recommends and encourages all bodies of The Episcopal Church to adapt forms to be fully inclusive of all people: by including lines not only for one’s legal name, but also for one’s preferred name as well as one’s gender identity and pronoun preference.

Um…okay.  Why?

For the second General Convention in a row, the Episcopal Church is considering legislation pertaining to transgender people. Resolutions include changing Canon III.1.2 and III. 1. 3 to include “gender identity and expression”; supporting transgender civil rights; and supporting a fully inclusive ENDA (Employment Non-discrimination Act). This resolution extends into the life of the Church the respect and recognition of transgender people conveyed by these other resolutions, by calling for a small but significant change in forms. This resolution would add four lines to Church forms: legal name, preferred name, gender identity and pronoun preference.

Um…”preferred name,” Gracie?

The addition of preferred name to legal name would benefit many people. A person’s legal name could be William, but he might go by a middle name. For transgender persons, the “preferred name” line can facilitate respectful treatment even if they do not have the financial means to legally change a birth name to one that reflects gender identity.

I know it says “Christopher Johnson” on my driver’s license and birth certificate.  But from now on, I want to be known as Sviatoslav Vyacheslavich Johnson.  Because I think Slavic names are cool, that’s why!  Have you got a problem with that?  Don’t judge me, bitches!

The choice to write out one’s gender identity (one’s inner sense of oneself as a man, a woman, or another gender category), rather than the restriction of the categories “male” or “female” from a multiple choice dropdown menu, would significantly facilitate the ability of transgender people to access and take their place within the life of the Church.

“A man, a woman, or another gender category?”  What the hell is “another gender category?”  Squirrel?  Circular saw?  Commodore 64 personal computer?  Kung Pao Chicken?  Thomson’s Gazelle?

Similarly, the ability to choose the pronouns by which one is referenced deeply impacts transgender people’s experience on a very concrete level, moment by moment. The imposition of pronouns with which one does not identify can be experienced as profoundly dehumanizing.

Listen up.  I don’t identify with pronouns like “you,” “your,” “yours,” “he,” “his” and all the rest of it since that’s “profoundly dehumanizing.”  So when communicating with me, you are to use “thee,” “thou,” “thy” and “thine” from here on out.

Merciful Lord God, I have to stop writing about these people.

135 Comments to BREAKING

Steve
July 10, 2009

“Merciful Lord God, I have to stop writing about these people.”

Mr. Johnson, I honestly think it would be good for your soul to do that.

Gregg the Obscure
July 10, 2009

I’ve been around Episcopalians enough to know they love nothing so much as to talk. So, Sviatoslav Vyachaslavich, if I were to decide that my new name is “AbortionIsMurder” and that the chosen pronoun for that name is the name itself, how well would THAT go with TEO? Oh, right, some beliefs are more equal than others.

bob
July 10, 2009

It would seem that ENDA takes no account of DNA, wot? Gee, if only there were someone in ECUSA with some background in the biological sciences (like a Presiding Bishop) who could carefully explain to the inmates that XY is a *BOY* and XX is a *GIRL*. It doesn’t ever, ever change no matter how badly you want it to. Even if I start *calling* XY a girl. Even the cells (several trillion of them)that let XY call himself a girl are themselves XY. Take it up with the God that made it that way….Oh, I forgot, He isn’t in the loop.

Why didn’t these things get discussed before women were ordained I wonder?

alfonso
July 10, 2009

This resolution is an attempt to avoid overt rejection of B033.

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

Listen up Bozos if I get a form my imaginary friends and the nice voices in my head get one too.

Have these barking tree dogs never heard of AKA or FKA or Alias or Nee’ or the age old principle of
“Look honey that is all very nice and I am sorry your mom and dad have yet to except your liberation and transistion from the staid boring male accountant you use to be to the flamboyant, vibrant, sensous, fullfilled, child of wonder and beloved of Gaia female you know are. But this is only an application for a library card so shut the hell up and fill out the dang thing so I can close up and go home” AKA “Oh you must be an Episcopalian, how nice.”

Dave
July 10, 2009

Steve -

True, but a lot less fun for the rest of us!

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

TUAD, I hope Christopher takes you to task, your snide remark about Fenelon is unseemly and does not suit the behavior of a gentleman.

The Pilgrim
July 10, 2009

“…the pronouns by which one is referenced deeply impacts transgender people’s experience on a very concrete level…”

And it is, after all, all about my experience.

me me me me me me me me me me me me me ME!

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

TUAD, you know exactly what I mean. And yes I also find it unseemly for you to remark about Sarah Hey in such a context. But Sarah is more of a public figure and I guess such ribbing comes with the territory. Fenelonspeaks is a fellow commentator who disagrees with your position on W/O as do others. However you have signaled no one else out with a personal snipe using a label which is a insult to the persons character. I find your targeting of her distasteful and sorely lacking in forethought. I would have expected better from you.

Many of us actually agree that W/O is wrong and harms the Body of Christ. But I think we can argue that position without behaving like louts.

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Well, I guess we gotta comply with the New Order, so:
Legal Name: Don
Preferred Name: Kogar, Master of the Universe
Gender Identity: Sexual Grouping XW-14
Pronoun Preference: Them
There! That ought to do it. By the way, Mr. Johnson, my last name, “Janousek,” translates as “Johnson” in English. “Jan”=”John,” and “ousek” is the Czech equivalent of “ovich” in Russian, or “son of…” No wonder you like Slavic monikers!

Christopher Johnson
July 10, 2009

TU&D? Here’s an idea. Keep personal attacks out of this.

midwestnorwegian
July 10, 2009

Sviatoslav – Thou hast brought mine attitude to a place of levity this day. Thanks be to thee.

The Little Myrmidon
July 10, 2009

Do I get to choose one from “Column A” and one from “Column B”?

How often do I get to fill out a new form? I’m a very whimsical person.

Do I need to have a first, last and preferred name? I want to be known as just ZANDOR.

Truth Unites... and Divides
July 10, 2009

Christopher Johnson: “TU&D? Here’s an idea. Keep personal attacks out of this.”

Ya’ mean like keep personal attacks out like how you do?

“Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson etc., votes to approve of the election of Kevin Genpo Pickup Truck Tilapia Filet Vyacheslav Backhoe How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria Belt Sander Used Car Salesman Apple Brown Betty Pencil Sharpener Jar Of Pasta Sauce Smith Tennis Racket Sviatoslav Box Of Garbage Bags The Flat Foot Floogie With A Floy Floy Eye Of Round Roast Jones Giant Squid Parker House Roll Floy Doy Floy Doy Floy Doy Thew Forrester as the next Episcopal Bishop of Northern Michigan”

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

TUAD if your gonna make this a pissing contest I suggest you take off your shoes.

Matthew
July 10, 2009

I’ve been fighting the urge to ask this question: “Can the Episcopal Church get any more narcissistic?” I decided to post it because, upon reflection, the answer is: “Yes, It Can!”

Oh and TUAD, girls are neat! Women are lovely creatures and disparaging them never ever reflects well upon yourself.

Christopher Johnson
July 10, 2009

The difference, TU&D, is that Robbie’s a public figure while commenters here are not. Learn the distinction. Quickly.

Truth Unites... and Divides
July 10, 2009

I’ll keep my shoes on.

BTW, the personal attack in the quote above is on Kevin Thew Forrester, not +VGR. At least I got that distinction.

Danby
July 10, 2009

I am XACTOR!
(nota bene the allcaps and exclamation point).

My preferred pronoun is “My Master”.

I must always be addressed in the third person, i.e. “Does My Master thirst for the blood of My Master’s enemies this evening?” or “Please, My Master, let not My Master’s wrath descend on My Master’s worthless and foolish servant! AAAIIIEEEE!!!.”

Sexual preference is undisclosed but involves beautiful young women and flowing capes.
Anything less is impacts my experience deeply and is hurtful and profoundly dehumanizing.

Sibyl
July 10, 2009

Glad I live alone for my chortles and guffaws were unwomanly and excessive. Glad I didn’t have a drink or food when I read this post and thread.

One thing for sure, I don’t want to have a showdown with either CSJ or Paula Loughlin or any MCJ commenter in this life or the next. You guys are serious sharpshooters…champion snipers. You could split a gnat’s eyelash at 100 meters.

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

Christopher, My shoe remark was a bit snarky feel free to remove it and accept my apologies for any line crossing.

Christopher Johnson
July 10, 2009

Great. You can say almost anything you like about public figures like Robbie and Genpo as long as you’re civilized. Commenters are another matter entirely. Either be respectful or don’t respond at all. And the way it works here is that I and I alone determine what’s respectful.

Matthew
July 10, 2009

In that spirit, I’ve decided that I want my ‘chosen name’ to be “LouieCrewIsReallyStraightAndMarriedToAWomanNamedEthel”. That shouldn’t present anyproblems, should it?

Allen Lewis
July 10, 2009

Paula -

I thought your shoe remark was hilarious! One of the things I like about your comments is the cogency, wit, and well-thought-outedness (is that a word or can I copywrite it?) of them.

TU..AD –
Looks like you crossed a line, bro. While our gentle host is very forgiving, he is our host and is quite capable and within his rights to toss us out for boorish behavior. Just because you can come in does not allow you to put your muddy shoes on the furniture.

clifford
July 10, 2009

I wamt my preferred name to be “Spiffy”. And my gender identity would be: “Guy who likes girls.” I think that last one makes me a heretic or something nowadays.

Itonic, isn’t it? For a bunch of folks who claim that it is the orthodox who are obsessed with sex, GC resolutions about sex (and there a LOT of them) seem to be the only ones the Left cares about anymore. Toss in the others about the MDG’s or pushing some neo-Marxist political agenda (single-payer government health care), and you pretty much have GC in a nutshell.

Allen Lewis
July 10, 2009

Now, back to the topic at hand….

GC 2009 is likely to be known as the Fruit & Nuts Convention. That is simply because all the silliness involved in “radical hospitality and inclusion”™ are poing to come out.

It is always so revealing when these things happens. It is going to make our Anglican Catholic Church 2-day Provincial Synod in October seem positively boring! :-)

Christopher Johnson
July 10, 2009

TU&D? Seriously. Do you want to be banned? Lighten the hell up.

clifford
July 10, 2009

“Sarah HorseFace Hey”

Having met Sarah, I think that is beyond inaccurate. Ask yourself this: Who would you rather see in a skimpy swimsuit: Sarah Hey, or Bonnie Anderson?

Michael D
July 10, 2009

Thou, Chris, hast nailed this one. Zwoogo (that is the new personal pronoun I am trying out) laughed so loud at the “Squirrel? Circular saw? …” list.

Zwoogo will say now, however, that this Episcopal resolution seems to be constraining people a) to have a name b) to have only one preferred name, c) to declare only one gender identity (thus forcing people to set linguistic limits and thus do violence to their sexuality – zwoogo won’t even get into the implications of asking people to use a pencil to define their sexual identity) d) to engage in “pronouning” when the very prefix “pro” implies a hierarchy and thus supports the patriarchal status quo.

Matthew
July 10, 2009

clifford,

This is your first and only warning. Your comment above made my brain hurt. I also now have iced tea all over my keyboard. cease and desist or I will have to visit Baton Rouge and steal all the Barqs.

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

Could we start an Episocopalian Name Generator? Much like “Your Aristocratic Title” or “Your Pole Dancer Name?”

Take the name of your favorite Star War Character.
Take the first word of your favorite nursery rhyme
Take the name of your favorite Alice in Wonderland Character
Pick a sport or other activity you like.
Take the name of your favorite bird species.
And you have your Episcopalian name.

Hans Twinkle Duchess Singing Falcon.
Chewby Baa Baa Red Queen Sailing Canary.

Dave+
July 10, 2009

Allen Lewis,
This GC is more like the Granola Convention: take away all the fruits and nuts and you’re still left with a LOT of flakes.

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Danby: There is only room for ONE Master in this universe. Prepare thyself to meet on the Plain of Doom at midnight to settle this with a slapping contest. My second will be VGR who will, if thou doest defeat me, giveth you OOOOOO! Such a pinch!

Bill2
July 10, 2009

This gang has WAY too much time on their hands. Seriously, what type of mind comes up with this sort of crap? They spend SO much time contemplating the implications of their genitalia, and what type of PRONOUN they want to use for themselves.

I hope the bishops fold under the HOD’s pressure and we can all finally be done with this stupid charade. Yes Virginia, they are leftist, radical, post-modern ding-dongs.

Michael D
July 10, 2009

As Diane and I said in earlier comments, these resolutions are being pumped out by the Ministry of Silly Walks as a diversion. The strategy is “Katharsis and Switch.” It works when you have a bunch of basically nice kind people who mostly just want to be nice. You give them a bunch of distractions where they obviously have to vote “no” and after a while they start thinking “I’ve noted ‘no’ a lot which is not very nice” and then you bring in the real resolution which seems only half as crazy as the previous ones. And they think “if I vote ‘no’ again it will threaten my self-identity as a ‘nice’ person, so I better vote ‘yes.’”

J.M. Heinrichs
July 10, 2009

Is this to be known as the “Crewe Resolution”?

Cheers

Jim McNeely+
July 10, 2009

“And the way it works here is that I and I alone determine what’s respectful.”

I am wracking my exhausting brain for a smart alec reply to this statement, Slavic One of Many Names, but I just can’t come up with one.

Maybe the rest of you can help me out…???

-Jim+

The Little Myrmidon
July 10, 2009

Ok, under Paula’s game rules I get to be Ja Ja Binks Curly-Top Cheshire Cat Water Ski Tufted Titmouse III.

OK, I threw in the third as a joke. And, please remember that I wish to be referred to only as ZANDOR

ZANDOR HAS SPOKEN!!

The Great She-Goat of Andromeda
July 10, 2009

I’ll have you know that I consider my gender, in fact, to be *precisely* that of Kung Pao Chicken, with extra chili peppers. Brown rice. Can of soda instead of won-ton soup. To go.

You have VIOLATED my BAPTISMAL COVENANT, you Great Western Heretic you!

I declare you anathema, I mean ubuntu. Grrrrr!

Gregg the Obscure
July 10, 2009

Were I still a ‘Piskie, by Paula’s rules I’d be: Obi-Wan Old King Cole Mad Hatter Drinky Crow

Wordy, but evocative.

Smurf Breath
July 10, 2009

I don’t mean to dehumanize you, Chewby, but the Red Queen was from Through the Looking Glass.

-Darth Tuffett “Humpty Bike” Emu

Paula Loughlin
July 10, 2009

Smurf Breath, than let us amend that to “Pick your favorite Alice in Wonderland or Through The Looking Glass Character”. Of course I shan’t recover from the dehumanization of your correction and am now a obscure species of algae.

Smurf Breath
July 10, 2009

Duh – just remembered- Humpty Dumpty was also from Through the Looking Glass. I deserve to feel dehumanized, Pharisee that I am.

Truth Unites... and Divides
July 10, 2009

Clifford: “Ask yourself this: Who would you rather see in a skimpy swimsuit: Sarah Hey, or Bonnie Anderson?”

I’d rather see former Ms. California Carrie Prejean in a skimpy swimsuit.

And you could have BOTH Sarah Hey and Bonnie Anderson in their birthday suits for all I care.

You got 2. I got 1. You’re happy. I’m happy. Now that’s a good trade.

Christopher Johnson
July 10, 2009

Here’s a thought. How about none of you call anybody “Horseface?”

The Bovina Bloviator
July 10, 2009

Merciful Lord God, I have to stop writing about these people.

Christopher, while I haven’t quit completely, I have cut way back writing on the Episcopal Institution and I feel much better, thank you. I recommend same to you.

Clifford
July 10, 2009

Matthew: You can take my Barq’s when you pry my cold, dead hands…

Truth Unites… & Divides: Whatever.

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Well, all right, Mr. Johnson. But if at some future point I decide to change my preferred name from “Kagor, Master of the Universe” to “Horseface,” there may be some issues there. Not likely to happen, but I’m just sayin’…

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

I see that I see that I missed all the hoopla with TUAD today. What a shame. ;^) Thanks to the folks who spoke up in favor of gentlemanly behavior both in respect to me and to comments about Sarah Hey.

Paula-I like your idea of an Episcopal Name generator; LOL.

Our version of General Convention has lot of material to go through and a lot of it is silly and strange; I haven’t seen anything like this yet Odd, stuff.

I would like my preferred name to be “Looks rather like Angelina Jolie and has a brain that’s equally attractive.” ;^)

Chris-You strike me as a very intelligent, interesting, well read man.I’m sure there are any number of things you could write about. How about cooking which you seem to enjoy, or (and I’d quite like this) what books your are reading and what are any spiritual themes connected with them? If not that, maybe you could try to develop all this into comedy sketches on the TEC you could take to ACNA gatherings. ;^) At our last general meeting for our state we had a Christian comediam perform; She was quite funny. No doubt there are lots of idiosyncracies you could lift up in a twenty minute show.

Clifford
July 10, 2009

I’m… Han Humpty March Hare Baseball Barn Owl.

Wow! This Public Narrative thing is fun!

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

That’s great, Clifford; Barn owls are terrific. :^)

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

Paula-My name is: Princess Leia Hickory Cheshire Cat Theatre goldfinch

muerknz
July 10, 2009

I’m Han Rock Caterpillar Rugby Kea. AWESOME!

His Homosexualency, Princess Consuela Bananahammock
July 10, 2009

I heartily endorse this resolution.

Ewok Mistress Mary not quite Contrary Dormouse Book-Phyla-Annelida Phoebe
July 10, 2009

Thou mayest call the one writing this:

Ewok
Mistress Mary not quite Contrary
Dormouse
Book-Phyla-Annelida
Phoebe

…and consider it a privilige.

Sviatoslav Vyachaslavich, thou alone mayest address me as Mistress.

Dr. Mabuse
July 10, 2009

I’m deeply annoyed that the Episcopal Church is not inclusive enough to provide spaces on their forms for my gang name, which is “Hoochiechiquita” (given to me on my gang baptism by Fr. Luis Barrios himself!) or for my pirate name, which is “Betty Bloodspew”.

The Little Myrmidon
July 10, 2009

BTW, one of the “other personalities” occupying my body has announced a desire to be known as Darth Polly Man-Dressed-in-White-Paper Volleyball Purple Finch.

However, this entity also answers to ZANDOR.

Bob the Ape
July 10, 2009

Grand Moff Tarkin Mary Mary Quite Contrary Frog Footman Golf Penguin.

Bro. AJK
July 10, 2009

Dear Sviatoslav Vyachaslavich Johnson,

If you stop writing about the ECUSA, what would you write about?

Athanasius Returns
July 10, 2009

“Merciful Lord God, I have to stop writing about these people.”

Reason being they parody themselves so automatically with everything the write, say, and do. Where’s the fun in writing about them gone?

BTW, please refer to me now as @#$%&**$%#@@!!()

Llano Estacado
July 10, 2009

Fr Luis Barrios himself! Well I, for one, am impressed!

“You guys are serious sharpshooters…champion snipers. You could split a gnat’s eyelash at 100 meters.”

Why thank you!

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Athanasius Returns: I have translated your preferred name as “The Artist Once Known As Prince.” I believe that is taken already. If I was you, I would go with “Scourge of Demons.”

William Tighe
July 10, 2009

Amandil Samildanach, my name in the Society for Creative Anachronism many many years ago. I’ve tried to live up to it.

Athanasius Returns
July 10, 2009

Don, I thought Prince dropped the symbol and reclaimed his name. OK, at your superb suggestion, I’m going by Scourge of Demons. Has a nice ring to it.

diane in nc with a small d
July 10, 2009

“Merciful Lord God, I have to stop writing about these people.”

Mr. Johnson, I honestly think it would be good for your soul to do that.

KILLJOY!!!!!!!!

Diane, laughing her head off and loving it

FW Ken
July 10, 2009

What a very strange thread, a clear example of “you snooze, you lose”.

Apparently, some posts were deleted, which makes subsequent discussion somewhat disjointed. However, I do get the gist of it.

A good part of this blog software is that the commenter is identified at the top of the comment, making it easy to skip over some commenters.

Like adults…

Fuinseoig
July 10, 2009

“(B)y including lines not only for one’s legal name, but also for one’s preferred name as well as one’s gender identity and pronoun preference.”

Legal name: You don’t have high enough clearance for that information.

Preferred name: Ipsissima, but for informal usage, you may refer to me as Exalted One.

Gender identity: The superior sex, naturally!

Pronoun preference: The royal “we”.

Toral
July 10, 2009

1. Toral

2. Toral, Toral, the Master Cylinder

3. Past pluperfect (or is that a tense, not a gender?)

4. The Other

Fuinseoig
July 10, 2009

Zandor, you have touched on a very pertinent point. Has not His Grace the Bishop of New Hampshire declared that TEC is the church of the mentally ill? (Though that is such a harsh and unloving term; should it not rather be the differently-sane?)

Then indeed, what of those who manifest different personalities? Restraining the choices of the cluster of identities to the preferences of only one primary personality is limiting, restrictive, unhelpful, unwelcoming, and does not demonstrate the proper inclusive, unjudgemental, and warm understanding the multi-characterised have the right to expect.

We therefore wish to express our support of Zandor in this admirable effort to facilitate respectful treatment that reflects the reality of multiple identity: given by our hand this eleventh day of June, Ipsissima Most Exalted One.

Danby
July 10, 2009

Janousek,
I warned you!!!! I am XACTOR! your refusal to use my preferred name or to refer to me as “My Master” is deeply impactful and profoundly dehumanizing. Even now I am wallowing in self-pity. If you continue to violate my personal self-concept and thereby denigrate my very being, I will have to take action!

If you keep this up I may have no option but to cry.

Christopher Hathaway
July 10, 2009

My prefered name is in Americamn Sign and involves a complicated dance with hula hoops and the kind of bows that Obama gives to Saudi kings and Commie dictators.

The dance may vary if women address me.

Fuinseoig
July 10, 2009

Toral, we ourselves are a second declension feminine noun. It is possible that you are a first declension masculine noun, but this is not to be taken as expressing any judgement on our parts as to your preferred gender/tense/declension identity; you may feel that the third declension is more comfortable and better expresses your authentic self:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_declension#Declension

:-)

st. anonymous
July 10, 2009

Is R2D2 Little Miss Muffet Mock Turtle Trampoline Kookaburra taken?

The Little Myrmidon
July 10, 2009

Well, folks, it looks like we went to the brink of the abyss earlier on this thread, but managed to step back (or should I say, veer off?) in another direction and now we are having FUN.

ZANDOR has spoken (for both of us.)

The Little Myrmidon
July 10, 2009

And I am unanimous in that.

Buddhist Piskie
July 10, 2009

Henceforth, I shall only be addressed as:

Kevin Genpo Pickup Truck Tilapia Filet Vyacheslav Backhoe How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria Belt Sander Used Car Salesman Apple Brown Betty Pencil Sharpener Jar Of Pasta Sauce Smith Tennis Racket Sviatoslav Box Of Garbage Bags The Flat Foot Floogie With A Floy Floy Eye Of Round Roast Jones Giant Squid Parker House Roll Floy Doy Floy Doy Floy Doy Thew Forrester

C-3PO Mary Tweedle Dee (not dum) rocking horse Dodo Bird
July 10, 2009

My preferred name is “Miscellaneous”. Gender category is: None of the above. Preferred pronoun: it

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Athanasius Returns: I have to admit that I took that name, “Scourge of Demons,” from a nineteenth century Russian bishop who was given that name because, accorging to tradition, he used to get rid of demons and fallen angels by beating them over the head with his walking stick. I thought it was good for you becasue who other than Athanasius would also be worthy of such a title. Dominus vobiscum.

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Danby: Hahahahaha! said Kagor, while leaning backward with his hands on his hips. You weak little creature. I shalt destroyeth your self-esteem and impacteth thy self-concept in ways you can only imagine. For I am Kagor, the Episcopo Warrior, and the de-humanizer of all. Preparest thou, for I am ready to become JUDGMENTAL over thee.

Clifford
July 10, 2009

Fuinseoig said: “Gender identity: The superior sex, naturally!”

I find that natural sex is ALWAYS superior. Artificial sex is is lonely, and there is all that equipment which can break.

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

Clifford: If I can be of any help, to prevent breakage, be sure to read the instructions before inflating the polyurethene woman. Works for me.

Katherine
July 10, 2009

Chris, you can’t have your new Slavic name. It’s way harder to spell than “Fuinseiog,” and enough is enough.

I object to all the fun going on here while I’m sleeping.

This proposal sounds like a weirdo Piskie perversion of the Catholic tradition of taking a confirmation name.

Fuinseoig
July 10, 2009

Katherine, just bear with us: what would your Episcopal name be?

Ours would be Tarkin Hark White Knight Book Blackbird, if we deigned to be addressed in any other manner other than Most Exalted One.

;-)

Sviatoslav Vyacheslavich, thine cognomen doth fall euphoniously upon our ears, and so we deign to comply with thy request and address thee as thou desirest.

anonagain
July 10, 2009

what if there was a great “spirit” that made up all these goofy “truth is stranger than fiction” stories

Sanford and his weepy/hiking stories
Michael Jackson
This nonsense

Man, this is better than reality TV for goofball stuff.

Can i wipe the “baptised episco” from my spiritual history; should i get rebaptized?

Don Janousek
July 10, 2009

I was once told that if you doubt that God has a sense of humor, just describe the act of human reproduction that He created to another person out loud in great detail. This thread has been an example of how a sense of humor is one of God’s greatest gifts to Christians. So, I give my heartiest thanks to all you humorous Christian fools for Christ’s sake, and all you other fools, for a great thread. And my great thanks to our host, Sviatoslav Johnson, for creating this site. As my preferred personality would say, “illsiehsyyekk!”

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

Anon-

I turned off the T.V. about seven months ago except for (sometimes) an hour of “Masterpiece” on PBS and I admit to a guilty pleasue of watching “Wipeout”-which is obstacle course gameshow- if it happens to be on a room where my family is watching T.V. because of that choice, I missed all the apotheosis of Michael Jackson and Sanford’s weepy confession. Axing the t.v.,figuratively, not literally, was a very good spiritual decision for me. Now I prostelytize on this issue. :^)

God’s grace was at work and the Sacrament in order in your baptism even if you are unhappy with the TEC. If you were baptised with the traditional Trinitarian formula many churches would not re-rebaptize you except for Baptists or other groups that allow baptism of adults only. If, for instance, you attended, the ACNA, you could probably do some some of re-affirmation of faith.

May the Lord Jesus Christ abundantly bless you.

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

This was a fun thread and I needed a laugh. I agree with Don. Thanks all, and thanks Chris. I have to call him Chris. My typing is execrable enough without having the added burden of trying to remember and type long foreign names. :^)

Jill C.
July 10, 2009

How long has it been since CJ has had such a string of comments here? What a bunch of . . . stuff!

Okay, might be “Luke Jack Cheshire Swimming Robin.”

Nah, I don’t think so. Sounds downright male rather than adrogynous. I don’t think I can be an Episcopalian again!

Just “Jill” (sprinkled once and dunked once! ;)

FenelonSpoke
July 10, 2009

Whoops. I meant “…do a re-affirmation of faith”.

Jill C.
July 10, 2009

Ack! Pardon me. It’s androgynous. Can’t spell well at midnight. :(

Jill (definitely a “lassie”)

Kathleen Lundquist
July 11, 2009

Princess Leia Rock-a-bye White Rabbit Ice Skating Hummingbird.

!!

Katherine
July 11, 2009

O Most Exalted One, I am happy to accede to thy request. However, I can finally fairly reliably spell “Fuinseiog,” and remember how it should be pronounced, so I’m disappointed. I don’t have an Episcopal name, thank goodness. Too tired to think of an Anglican one. Just played, in a manner of speaking, my very first nine holes of golf, and am too exhausted and humiliated to invent names.

Luke Twinkle Mad Hatter Canoeing Redbreast
July 11, 2009

I have changed my mind, my gender, and my name.

My gender is no longer Kung Pao Chicken, etc., because that’s culturally insensitive to people with peanut allergies.

My name is no longer The Great She-Goat etc. because that’s insensitive to animal rights.

My name will no longer reference Andromeda because intelligent protein chains inhabiting that galaxy might be offended and disubuntued thereby.

Thanks for this truly inclusive name generator.

–LTMHCR (Mrs.)

Luke Twinkle Mad Hatter Canoeing Redbreast
July 11, 2009

Serious Postscript:

What if the Episcopal Church hadn’t alienated all of the wit and cleverness I see on this blog? Seriously, they’re being run by theological amateurs with the sense of humor of a Sno-Cone.

What’s left of that church is coming to resemble H. L. Mencken’s stereotyping comment on Puritans–people haunted by the fear that someone, somewhere, is happy.

By the way, call me Genpo for short.

–LTMHCR (Dr.)

Sasha
July 11, 2009

For Mr. Don Janousek:

Since it happens that you a while earlier were talking about the etymology (?) of your surname, may I ask you about its pronounciation relative to what yours truly suspects is a missing diacritical sign above the ‘s’?

Is there, in other words, supposed to be a ‘hachek’ (inverted circumflex) above that letter? [That would entail its being pronounced 'sh' (like in 'shore'), if I recall correctly - and the letter would then look like 'š'.]

[With computer technology being as advanced as it has become, the diacriticals that had to be forgoed in the age of the typewriter and plain keyboards are useable again...]

Christopher Hathaway
July 11, 2009

If I choose a prefered name like Male-only-priesthood or Sodomy-is-sin or Schori-is-antichrist, or a simple Jesus-only-saves, will these bozos (gender undecipherable) respect my choice and address me that way? That would be worth the excercize.

Buddhist Piskie
July 11, 2009

I, Kevin Genpo Pickup Truck Tilapia Filet Vyacheslav Backhoe How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria Belt Sander Used Car Salesman Apple Brown Betty Pencil Sharpener Jar Of Pasta Sauce Smith Tennis Racket Sviatoslav Box Of Garbage Bags The Flat Foot Floogie With A Floy Floy Eye Of Round Roast Jones Giant Squid Parker House Roll Floy Doy Floy Doy Floy Doy Thew Forrester,

hear a calling to chant how much I love being a member of TEc with

the Blond Face-of-a-Horseradish Buddhist.

Lina
July 11, 2009

How about
Princesa Chocolate con almendra Caribe y Cancion

JustMe
July 11, 2009

What a great way to spend a Sat morning. Thank you all for the laughs.

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

Horseradishes have faces? Who knew?

I think anytime people go from complaints about actions and statements to critiquing the personal appearance of people in rude ways they make themselves look silly.

Virtue on-line has a most unflattering picture of KJS-and at an odd angle too. IMO, they should just stick to her objectionable statements such as the one obviating the need for a personal confession of Jesus as Lord, for instance. There’s more than enough to critique her theologically for departing from traditional Christianity based on that and other statements. Also, the tactic of using unflattering pictues always reminds me of one of the unmleasant aspects of political campaigns.

Buddhist Piskie
July 11, 2009

As we chant in harmony from our lotus sitting position about how joyful we are to be members of TEc, the Blond Buddhist has suddenly tilted her head at an odd angle. She seems to heard a calling.

Now, instead of having the face of a horseradish, in a mystical haze she now looks to have the face of a horsefly. We adjust our chanting likewise, so now we alternately buzz and whinny about how we shall always be loyal members of TEc.

Anglican Observer
July 11, 2009

Anglican Observer Male-Lesbian

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

It’s TUAD with another handle, I expect. Their obsessive compulsiveness would seen to indicate that. What a yawn.
This poster just went on ignore too.

Paula Loughlin
July 11, 2009

I wish to make announcement
Please give heed to my pronouncement
For a long time I have had a problem that vexes
Which is why did the Lord make only two sexes?
Such a thing may be fine for you plain sort of folk
But I take to be some pitiful back handed joke.
All very well for you Johnnies or Janes or you Betties and Bobs.
By I don’t count myself among the peasants and nobs.
The crudeness of it just gives me the shivers. It truly depresses.
The seeming simplicity of this plan, I find it distresses.
Boy, girl, lady and gents, Mr. and Mrs and simpering misses.
All wrapped up neat and tied with bow.
Never any doubts where one is to go.

But what about me? I’m a superior sort.
It is not a brag if what I say is the truth.
I have always known this since the days of my youth
That I did not fit in to such simple divisions.
It all was so not part of my far reaching vision.
The glory of me, the marvelous wonder, the grandest perfection.
Why should I be encaged by such limited selection?
No, not at all, it just will not do.
I refuse to accept that in sex the number is two.
So my dress and persona, my habits and tasks, my workings and games.
All show what a clever gender anonymous lovely I am. I must assert it is true.
But alas I do find, the world lags behind in petty concern for convention.
But not, I rejoice the church of my choice.
The Church that rules in convention.
They offer an out from the Philistine lout,
by giving me a choice for my names.
They realize at last that two is too few.
And you never can have a limit on gender.

So listen up plebes and pay close attention cause I know this is worthy of mention.
From now on when you address me I require you always remember I am, at least for now
A transpondering effeminate guy with an attraction for transsexual lesbian eunuchs.
Signed
Oscar Wilde Ganymede Gertrude ToklasKallikak Jukes

Katherine
July 11, 2009

Oscar Wilde Ganymede Gertrude ToklasKallikak Jukes, this is above and beyond the call of duty. Bravo, er, brava, er … well, thanks.

The incredible number of posts here means that (a) this Slavic guy’s readers are very funny; (b) there is no real news coming out of TEC’s convention yet, and (c) when there is news, it’s going to be almost as ridiculous as this proposed resolution.

Third Gender Rising
July 11, 2009

The question continues to vex
of why our creator made sex.
While bravely confessing
“Abortion’s a blessing,”
we worship our God, Christus Wrecks.

Sasha
July 11, 2009

God Knows How Right He ALWAYS Is!!!! We don’t need more than two genders – He Was and Is an absolute master of simplicity. What’s so simply for Him we all too often can but approximate, and with greatest difficulty!!

Everything praises Him, even if against its individual or collective wills!!! He can take Glory even for what for us are the worst possible catastrophes!! He Can – and Does – use us as He Likes, and we can’t do anything at all about it (see the parable in Jeremiah about the potter’s clay!!). And as for His enemies, He’ll DASH THEM TO PIECES, just like a potter’s vessel…

[I write all this even as my heart weeps and screams in agony at what He Deprived me of over 4 years ago and still hasn't seen fit to restore! Can somebody please pray, that He Yet Will change His Mind regarding the matter on my heart? Thanks in advance!]

Smurf Breath
July 11, 2009

I keep visualizing Richard O’Brien walking into the discussion on this resolution, waving a pitchfork laser and screaming, “Your convention is a failure! Your life style’s too extreme!”

Matthew
July 11, 2009

Katherine, I really hate to contradict you, but you have forgotten Johnson’s Law. You said “it’s going to be almost as ridiculous as this proposed resolution.” The GC will exceed our weirdness expectations. You can bank on it.

Smurf Breath, God bless you. :)

Paula Loughlin
July 11, 2009

Sasha

You have my prayers.

Hot Rod Anglican
July 11, 2009

I have created a musical “report” on this Resolution. I was inspired greatly by this thread.

Here ’tis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2vv7nPeBhI

–Paul
HotRodAnglican

Sasha
July 11, 2009

Thank you, Paula: I can’t tell you in what desperate agony my soul has been throughout this whole time (a couple of obstacles Satan has afflicted me with are gone but the big one still remains in the person of that pipsqueak and petty sodomite who’s only too happy to hurt others and be possessive of “his” instrument!! Only when he’s gone will I have a chance to truly be able to rebuild my skills and start praising God the way He truly Deserves on The King of Instruments that has been so cruelly denied!!

Back to topic: why care as to how ridiculous TEO becomes? They’ve so totally gotten lost, given the way they’ve rejected Our Lord and His Precepts & Commandments, that ANYTHING they do is automatically stained with the marks of FOLLY ad absurdum!!!!

The ship is as good as sunk; all hands abandon her!!!

Sasha
July 11, 2009

Oops Paula, perhaps I should have addressed you as Mrs. (or Ms.) Loughlin. Mea culpa!!

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

Paula,

Great poem-rather reminicent too of something By Gilbert from Gilbert and Sullivan. It should be set to music. I really think you amd Chris and a couple of others here including Fuinseiog and Little Myrmidion need to form a comedy troupe (instead of Comedy Central you could call it Comedy Convention) and take this other material to ACNA gatherings for evening entertainment. You might have to do it on the sly. There is a woman whose does theatre (Cindy) on the SFIF site. Maybe she could help with musical direction, choreography, etc. I’d help, but I don’t have the distinction of ever being Episcopal which gives things an added punch.

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

And by all means include Hot Rod Anglican’s material too. :^)

Paula Loughlin
July 11, 2009

That was a hoot Hot Rod Anglican. ROTFLMAO

Fuinseoig
July 11, 2009

Hot Rod Anglican, we commend your fine musical rendition of this most important resolution.

In token of which, you may refer to us by the informal version of our preferred name, to wit: Exalted One.

The rest of you, however, must continue to call us Ipsissima.

:-)

dwstroudmd
July 11, 2009

HotRodAnglican, bravo! bravo! bravo!

This thread’s hoot.

From Gone,gone&gone before the handbasket reached its teminus in Hell and able to laugh at the empty church pews blews&spews four line nomenclature surely general conventional blues.

Posse Rider
July 11, 2009

Sorry I’m late to this, but wanting you all to know some of my best friends are horsefaces…

cheyan
July 11, 2009

Y’know, since gender is not just a matter of genetics (there are a couple genetic disorders, one in particular which results in newborn girls with XY chromosomes, and, too, birth defects can make for ambiguity), it’s at least within the realm of possibility that it’s mutable. I don’t think it *is*, but it’s *possible*.

And since TEC seems to think that gender doesn’t matter for *anything* ever, it makes a lot of sense that they would have no problem with someone changing that particular meaningless state. Like many other things that seem absurd about TEC, this one, too, is consistent with absurdities that have gone before.

Even for people like myself and most if not all of you who don’t think gender is either meaningless or mutable, it’s only polite to use the pronouns pertaining to the gender that someone claims to be. I’ve had people mistake my gender before, and while I don’t get angry at mistakes, I would certainly be angry if someone argued with me about it, or who told me that I didn’t look enough like a woman to be one.

Christopher Hathaway
July 11, 2009

Hey, what’s wrong with calling people horseface? The present “Defender of the Faith”, the Sovereign of England and Governor of the CofE comes from a long line of horsefaces and it hasn’t hurt the church one bit. Anglicanism right now is in the finest.. shape… it has……ever……been.

(Never mind.)

M. L. Martin
July 11, 2009

Bumper sticker spotted today: The Episcopal Church Welcomes AbsolutelyEverybody

I don’t think it was satirical, either.

M. L. Martin
July 11, 2009

Darn. The colors didn’t come through. The “Welcomes” was in blue, the “Absolutely” in red, and the “Everybody” back to blue. (“The Episcopal Church”–or maybe it was Episcopalian, I don’t recall–was a navy blue in an ‘Old English’ style font.)

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

I believe Charles has let it be known that he doesn’t want to be known as “Defender of The Faith” (ie, Anglican Christianity) but “Defender of Faith”. Given his history of infidelity it’s just as well.

FenelonSpoke
July 11, 2009

P.S. From what I saw; I missed all the antics of TUAD yesterday it was a reference to a commentator from SFIF and possibly me. (I don’t know and don’t wish to know what TUAD said about me, but horseface wouldn’t be applicable, Greying and sometimes frumpy-yes, Horseface, no. :^) I think it’s inappropriate to make negative remarks about the physical appearance of people who post here or on SFIF unless you want to make them about yourself. It’s declassee. Somehow I don’t think Prince Charles is reading either site and he’s a public figure. :^)

Sasha
July 11, 2009

Given Charles Mountbatten-Windsor’s crazyness (and one of its manifestations is his unwillingness to speak up for Christianity, let alone the denomination he’s supposed to represent), one can only hope his mother hangs on as long as she can, with the crown passing on to one of his sons (though it wouldn’t surprise me if they too turn out to be empty-heads – I hope not, but the track record for the UK royal family doesn’t look all that good…).

Sasha
July 11, 2009

Perhaps, on the other hand, he was under too much pressure to marry when he pledged his hand to Diana Spencer – most certainly his heart had been broken and was still in the hands of Camilla Parker-Bowles (who herself didn’t show herself such great shakes when she didn’t get a firm commitment either way from him before linking up with who became her first husband).

Smurf Breath
July 11, 2009

cheyan, I hope you don’t think we’re mocking people with real medical conditions (such as intersexed people), or people on the basis of appearance. We are only critiquing dilettantes of perversion who write things like this in order to deny the obvious – ‘consistently absurd’ as you say. They wish to encourage people to give in to sinful impulses, to become connoisseurs of it, instead of helping them to overcome it, and when they go over the top, it’s hard to resist funnin’ with them a little bit. They are not concerned with actual medical conditions – they are speculating about the abstract meaning of ‘gender’.

Buddhist Piskie
July 11, 2009

Hey, what’s wrong with calling people horseface? The present “Defender of the Faith”, the Sovereign of England and Governor of the CofE comes from a long line of horsefaces and it hasn’t hurt the church one bit. Anglicanism right now is in the finest.. shape… it has……ever……been.

(Never mind.)”

I hear a calling to say…

“Grace and peace to you.”

Christopher Hathaway
July 11, 2009

The Episcopal Church welcomes you (to the pits of Hell).

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. You’ll be smokin’ either way.

The Little Myrmidon
July 11, 2009

“Hey, what’s wrong with calling people horseface?”

I resemble that remark.

Buddhist Piskie
July 12, 2009

Hey, what’s wrong with calling people horseface?”

“I resemble that remark.”

And grace and peace to you.

Elkanah
July 12, 2009

Legal Name: Paula Loughlin’s American Express Card Number

Preferred Name: The Rev. Rodceressqua Vorsamechtai Issonskelough, Jr.

Preferred Gender: Skimpy Swimsuit

Preferred Pronoun: Dynamically assigned, like a mobile IP address

[...] SWIRLING THE BOWL– “A man, a woman, or another gender category?” What the hell is “another gender [...]

Paula Loughlin
July 12, 2009

I forgot to give an applause to Third Gender Rising’s post. So here it is.

Great work I love the Christus Wrecks.

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