JIMMY CRACK CORN

Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | Uncategorized

Why Iowahawk is the best there is:

The widow of the housefly murdered by Barack Obama during a recent CNBC television interview announced this morning that she would be filing a wrongful death suit against the President in federal district court. The plaintiff brief — citing pain, suffering and loss of income — seeks a formal apology and compensatory damages, including an unspecified quantity of sh_t.

“Bob was a wonderful husband and provider,” said the widow, Mrs. Vivian Vvzzvzwwzzz, wiping tears from her compound eyes. “Even though he was always busy at the Rose Garden turd pile, he always flew home in time to tuck in our maggots.”

The 17-day old widow said the grieving process since the murder has taken its toll.

“Although it’s been nearly 48 hours, I still get an empty feeling in my thorax everytime I think about it,” she said. “I feel like I’ve aged an entire week. Mating season is over, and here I am, stuck trying to raise 532 larvae on my own.”

8 Comments to JIMMY CRACK CORN

Peter C.
June 22, 2009

I felt obliged to share his previous article, “Hail to the Victors,” on Facebook.

Smurf Breath
June 22, 2009

I’d be tempted to think PETA were Jainists, but then again they kill tens of thousands of cats and dogs every year (seriously).

Sasha
June 22, 2009

PETA - another arm of the Communist hydra used by the Devil to attack us all!!!

FenelonSpoke
June 23, 2009

How bizarre it is that what faux messiah Obama does to capture and kill flies would even make it into any news. (I’m talking about actual news, not Iowahawk’s satire) Are “journalists” next going to extoll Obama’s ability to pick his nose discretely and with such finesse that it’s barely noticed?!!

FW Ken
June 23, 2009

FS - it happened on camera during an interview and made the news as a humorous aside. I don’t think anyone but PETA took it seriously.

BTW, the new edition of First Things has a somewhat interesting article on the disconnect between the animal rights and pro-life movement. You would think they would be a match, but, of course, they aren’t. firstthings.com isn’t coming up, so I don’t know if they put this article online yet, but it will be at some point.

FenelonSpoke
June 23, 2009

My sense about extremists like PETA and other enviromental extremists is that they don’t see it as a disconnect at all. For those that support abortion, “it” is a collection of cells so they are not bothered. Also, since humans are responsible for harming animals the fewer humans the better-as long as they (the particular humans) are around to life their lives. There was a extremist animal rights group that let a bunch (hundreds) of birds from a nearby bird farm go. The birds were being raised by the owners to sell to restuarents. The animal rights issued a statement saying in effect, “Now are little friends are free, free.” That’s grovvy, but your “little friends” didn’t know how to get their own food and they starved. They also died by being hit by cars. Good work there, :^( and I’m a vegetarian. These are some of the same people who put bumper stickers on their cars saying, “Eat meat and die.” Whenever I read that I think, “Wow; I’m a vegetarian; I guess I’m now assured of immortality.”

FenelonSpoke
June 23, 2009

I don’t think it was serious, but that it was worth a comment at all is signifigant, IMO. All Obama, all the time. Bleeeeeeech.

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