DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!!

Thursday, April 26th, 2012 | Uncategorized

Nevada Episcopal Bishop Dan Edwards tries his hand at humorous comedy:

So here’s the plan. Instead of redirecting a paltry few million dollars from overhead to mission in our operating budget, let’s make a real adaptive change. First, sell everything. I mean everything — the offices at 815, John the Divine, the Washington Cathedral, All Saints Pasadena — just for starters, then our houses and jet skis. We can keep cars and golf clubs. Nothing radical here. Anglican moderation at every step.

You suck, Edwards!!

Then we all move to Montana — over a million of us — elect the public officials, establish an Anglican cultural enclave, become the regional version of normal, build a huge Cathedral and complex of edifices, then invest the rest of our money in p r and supporting Episcopal Youth Service Corps all over the country. Slowly but surely, plant little Montanas all over the USA.

You’re not funny!!

Now here’s our niche. The LDS already has a lock on genealogy. We cannot compete with that but we can complement it. Instead of a family history library we hire a crack team of psychics and futurists to staff our family future library. People will go to Salt Lake to learn about their ancestors, then on to Helena to learn about their descendants.

Bring out the headliner!!  And can I get a frickin’ waitress over here?!!

Finally, we replace Hyfrydol and some of our other boring music with a new theme song. “Turn Me Loose Set Me Free Somewhere In The Middle Of Montana.” Now the scary part: I am on the structure committee for General Convention. Beware of mad men in high places.

Sounds like the crickets like it, Dan.

24 Comments to DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!!

Jeffersonian
April 26, 2012

First, sell everything. I mean everything — the offices at 815, John the Divine, the Washington Cathedral, All Saints Pasadena — just for starters, then our houses and jet skis.

Commodes at 815 all filled simultaneously with masonry upon reading that.

Katherine
April 26, 2012

Well, at least he’s honest about many Piskies there still are — half of the claimed 2 million.

Michael
April 26, 2012

And, Katherine, likely far less than that if they’re actually being truthful.

Fuinseoig
April 26, 2012

I dunno, Christopher: selling off 815 etc. sounds like a good idea to me (and instead of Montana, they could all move to Michigan where Bonnie has her offices, so that all the Movers and Shakers would be in the one place).

:-)

dwstroudmd+
April 26, 2012

Some of the nomenclature is a bit off. What he wants to establish is an Episcopalian Enclave. It’s crystal clear that Episcopalians have walked apart from most of the world’s Anglicans. What he really wants to establish is Episcopalian hegemony somewhere so they can matter again … having divested themselves of any semblance of mattering everywhere else.

J. Stuart Little
April 26, 2012

So, the Episcopal Church is little different than the Mormons?

Martial Artist
April 26, 2012

Michigan? Montana?

A question, why ruin any otherwise perfectly useful U.S. state. They should move to Utah for several reasons that spring immediately to mind:

[1] All the affirmations of actively practicing homosexuals, is absent in Utah, which does however, have a nearly perfect record of looking the other way with respect to polygamy, q.v. the Discovery Channel’s program Sister Wives, which, were Utah actually enforcing its laws, have long since led to arrests and prosecutions.

[2] While we are on the topic of non-monogamous sexual unions, does anyone honestly believe that Utah would outlaw, let alone prosecute any other form of non-monogamous unions? Doing so would obviously, and quickly spark legal protest on alleged 14th Amendment grounds of unequal treatment of homosexuals. Given the insurance that might provide, TEC would have no problem blessing any union between any two (or more when the time is right) biological units having any degree of physical complementarity that would not prevent mutual gratification.

[3] They’d be closer to Salt Lake City, thereby making Episcopal Bishop Dan “Wackadoodle” Edwards’ idea of combining retrospective genealogical research with prospective genealogical research that much less expensive—visitors wouldn’t even have to drive/fly to another state to accomplish both.

It is pretty obvious from Edwards’ lack of entrepreneurial imagination that the bar to ordination and elevation in TEC has sunk so low that the term microcopic suggests itself.

Pax et bonum,
Keith Töpfer

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
April 26, 2012

No – he really should quit his day job…at least his Sunday job.

LaVallette
April 26, 2012

“So here’s the plan. Instead of redirecting a paltry few million dollars from overhead to mission in our operating budget, let’s make a real adaptive change. First, sell everything. I mean everything — the offices at 815, John the Divine, the Washington Cathedral, All Saints Pasadena — just for starters, then our houses and jet skis…….”

Gee, wile reading that I had no doubt that the punchline to that build up would be “and give it all to the poor!”
After all that is what is demanded of the Catholic Church.

I wonder of this guy realises what he is proposing is to circle the wagons?

Dale Matson
April 26, 2012

“Instead of a family history library we hire a crack team of psychics and futurists to staff our family future library.” Whatever does Dan mean here? Those folks are already working at TEC. Didn’t they hire a Wicca lady to help resolve the situation at Trinity Wall Street? They have Genpo Forester the Buddhist and the Muslim Priest Ann Holmes Redding. And those are just the ones that have surfaced. They are already fully staffed with psychics and futurists.

SouthCoast
April 26, 2012

Sounds like he spent his mispent youth clutching his copy of “The Harrad Experiment” firmly to his pulsing…breast.

gppp
April 26, 2012

If I had been slapped into lying for the PB***h I would consider selling (or even giving away) the farm, too.

gppp
April 26, 2012

Lying about Bede Parry, that is.

dave
April 27, 2012

Embarrassing… Simply embarrassing.
And this is from an alleged bishop of an alleged church?
He is even unable to grasp the reason the Mormons are so successful… Can you say “evangelism”? Sure you can!
“Episcopal youth service corps” indeed! He forgets that the ‘piskie definition of a “youth” is anyone under 55!
Ah well… This is sill one of the better plans to come out of the piskie church in years.

Zach Frey
April 27, 2012

Fuinseoig,

What do you have against Michigan?!??!

Some of us actually live here.

peace,
Zach

Fuinseoig
April 27, 2012

Zach, I am sure the great, beautiful, prosperous and noble state of Michigan is as wonderful as I would hope your home state to be.

I only mentioned glorious Michigan because I became aware, through the opening remarks to the Executive Council by the President of the House of Deputies, Bonnie Anderson, that your excellent state was already showering hospitality upon her:

“I believe that we will not find the tools we need at the top of the church’s hierarchical pyramid—in my office at Christ Church in Michigan, or at 815 Second Avenue in New York—but in the expertise of networks like Episcopal Relief and Development, Episcopal Service Corps, Forma (an association for Christian educators), provinces with active networks and others working collaboratively in dioceses and congregations.”

Since Michigan already has experience in containing and dealing with the effusions, emissions and expulsions from the Office of the President of the House of Deputies, and as Martial Artist points out why spoil another state, I simply considered that selling up and concentrating all the leadership in one area would be the most beneficial course of action.

If nothing else, at least it concentrates ‘em all in one target.

;-)

Zach Frey
April 27, 2012

You lost me at “prosperous.”

:)

SouthCoast
April 27, 2012

Fuinseoig, actually, as in so many things, opinions on Michigan vary. For myself, I spent ten years on the Upper Peninsula one winter… (But the fudge was good.)

Dale Price
April 27, 2012

they could all move to Michigan where Bonnie has her offices, so that all the Movers and Shakers would be in the one place).

Only if you agree to accept retired Bishop Gumbleton for an extended Irish sabbatical.

And, Chris, you’re being unfair to the Bishop: I suspect he was endeavoring to be more of a performance artist.

As Bobcat Goldthwait said during an early rough stretch of a gig: “I’m about two more awkward silences from being a performance artist.”

Lakeland Two
April 27, 2012

at the top of the church’s hierarchical pyramid—in my office at Christ Church in Michigan, or at 815 Second Avenue in New York

Get a grip, would ya, repeating it over and over doesn’t make it so. Not even winning lawsuits makes it so.

And here begs the question. If dear Bonnie and dear Katherine (Schori)are equal in their “hierarchical pyramid” – whose on the very top? It ain’t the ABofC, so who is the top dog?

Fuinseoig
April 27, 2012

SouthCoast – Michigan produces fudge? Forget 815, I may have to move there myself! (Fudge… imagine Homer Simpson-type drooling over donuts here).

Zach Frey
April 27, 2012

Fuinseoig – you better believe it. Fudge is actually a tourist attraction here:

http://www.google.com/search?q=mackinaw+fudge

http://www.google.com/search?q=michigan+fudge

peace,
Zach

The Little Myrmidon
April 27, 2012

That’s it – Fuinseoig has been banned from working the Fudge Table at the Holly Fair – she’d eat all the profits LOL!!

SouthCoast
April 27, 2012

Mackinac (pronounced “mackinaw”) Island fudge shops make a worthy pilgrimage destination for the sweet of tooth. (Sorry to have wandered so far off-topic!)

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