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DEAREST GREAT BRITAIN


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Saturday, April 23rd, 2016 | Uncategorized | 67 Comments

We come from you and everybody here with a brain knows that.  We are bone of your bones and flesh of your flesh and, with some modifications, our political institutions mirror yours (King, Lords, and Commons became President, Senate and House of Representatives).  So it is with the deepest conceivable humiliation that we must humbly, abjectly and grovelingly apologize for Our Long National Nightmare:

President Barack Obama told Britain today that it would have to ‘go to the back of the queue’ if it leaves the European Union, then tries to negotiate its own trade deal with the United States.

A US-UK trade agreement is not going to happen ‘any time soon,’ Obama said during a joint news conference with British Prime Minister David Cameron.

‘Not because we don’t have a special relationship but because given the heavy lift on any trade agreement, us having access to a big market with a lot of countries rather than trying to do piecemeal trade agreements, which is hugely inefficient,’ the U.S. leader said.

Obama faced a furious backlash overseas this morning over what has been called a ‘downright hypocritical’ push for Britain to stay in the European Union.

In a highly controversial intervention in the EU referendum campaign, Obama pleaded with British voters in a local newspaper and then the press conference not to cut ties with Brussels.

‘The United States wants a strong United Kingdom as a partner, and the United Kingdom is at its best when it is helping to lead a strong Europe,’ Obama said during a news conference at Britain’s Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

In his op-ed Obama also invoked the spirit of the Second World War by claiming the sacrifice of GIs meant America has a stake in the EU debate and said the decision in June’s referendum ‘will echo in the prospects of today’s generation of Americans as well’.

LOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEE?!!


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Saturday, April 23rd, 2016 | Uncategorized | 26 Comments

The next time my gracious lord of Canterbury shows his face anywhere in North America, the Anglican Lucy Ricardo is going to have some serious splainin’ to do:

Homosexuality is morally wrong, the Archbishop of Canterbury told a Zimbabwean newspaper this week, but should not be criminalized. In an interview with the Harare Sunday Mail, given upon his arrival in the Central African nation on 16 April 2016, the Most Rev. Justin Welby touched upon local and international church concerns.

The archbishop further stated the Anglican position on homosexuality had not changed. “You know it (homosexuality) is morally wrong but legally we cannot condemn those who practice it,” he said.

Archbishop Welby, joined by the Rt. Rev. Chad Gandiya, Bishop of Harare and the other Zimbabwean bishops paid a courtesy call on President Robert Mugabe on 17 April 2016. Speaking to reporters after the meeting, Archbishop Welby said: “It was a pastoral meeting and not a political meeting but the meeting was confidential. We talked about the affairs of the Church. We talked about the past in Zimbabwe, the mistakes that have been made, the breakdowns of the relationships from time to time and we ended with prayer for the future of this country,” he said. Upon his return to the ACC meeting, taking place in neighboring Zambia, the archbishop told the delegates he told President Mugabe that while Anglicans have “widely differing views” on homosexuality “the majority opinion is that marriage is a lifelong union between a man and woman.”

Welby’s tap-dancing should be fun to watch.

FATE, VAGARIES OF


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Thursday, April 21st, 2016 | Uncategorized | 27 Comments

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are still alive.  Prince isn’t.

COUNTING MY CHICKENS?


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, April 20th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 18 Comments

This is kind of inside-hockeyish but you’d have to have lived in my hometown for a very long time to understand why I’m beginning to feel a bit like I felt in 1999 when the Rams inexplicably wouldn’t stop winning:

It was going to be different this time. The St. Louis Blues were going to get the goaltending they needed, the scoring they needed and play with the confidence and poise necessary to defeat their dynastic tormentors, the Chicago Blackhawks, in a divisional semifinal series.

If you didn’t believe this was possible before, you have to believe it is after Game 4.

The Blues skated out of Chicago with two road victories, the second coming in a 4-3 heart-pounder on Tuesday night. They hold a 3-1 advantage, with three shots at sending the defending champion Blackhawks home in the opening round.

It’s not just that they’re winning, it’s how they’re winning.

Brian Elliott, the goalie who couldn’t carry a team in a postseason series, stopped 39 Blackhawks shots in Game 4 and entered the game with a .963 save percentage.

Those big goals that eluded the Blues every postseason are now being delivered by names like Tarasenko, Schwartz, Steen and Backes.

The confidence that escaped them for years, they now possess in bulk. They’ve outscored the Blackhawks 4-1 in the third period of their victories, and they’ve taken the physical game to them in each contest.

The St. Louis Blues are the second-most snake-bit team in North American professional sports after the Chicago Cubs.  They began in 1967 and only got into the NHL at all when Sid Salomon agreed to take the decrepit St. Louis Arena off the hands of the Wirtz family who owned the Chicago Black Hawks (and, presumably, the St. Louis Braves, the Black Hawks’ Central Hockey League farm team at the time).

The Braves were very first sports team that I ever really loved.  I used to put my transistor radio underneath my pillow and turn the volume way down in order to listen to their games.  I constantly tried to get my folks to take me to a Braves game but they never would.

I get why now.  The St. Louis Arena was a dump then.

Along come the NHL’s  Blues in 1967, who were an immediate and tremendous success.  So much so that Ben Kerner, the owner of the NBA’s St. Louis Hawks, read the handwriting on the wall and moved his team to Atlanta the following year.

There was a racist element to all that.  There were a lot of black faces on the Hawks then.  There were no black faces whatsoever on the Blues.

Do the math.

Since the NHL had, in its wisdom, stuck all six expansion teams on one division and all the Original Six in the other, and the Blues had done their homework, my boys made the Stanley Cup finals for three straight years.  And they didn’t win a single game those three finals, going four-and-out to Laze Ahbeetahnz twice and to the Broonz once.

Of the Original Six Expansion Team, five of them have won Stanley Cups (the California Seals, the one that no longer exists, didn’t).

And my Blues haven’t been back or even been close to being back since getting swept by Boston.  Since 1970, I can’t count the number of times that this team has been torn down and rebuilt.  So if they actually do take down this pot this year, I have no idea how this town’s going to react.

AND NOW…IDIOTS


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, April 20th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 21 Comments

I know that it’s only April but I’m sorely tempted to immediately end the 2016 MCJ Idiot Of The Year competition.  Because I can’t imagine that there are too many dumber people in the entire world than Jordan Brown:

Austin-based Whole Foods Market on Tuesday filed a lawsuit against an Austin man [Jordan Brown] who claims he purchased a cake from the retailer that included a slur against gay people.

Whole Foods also released its security footage video from its North Lamar Boulevard flagship store that it says contradicts the man’s claims that the store included the slur on the “Love Wins” cake he ordered.

Yeah.  Right.  This is going to happen at an Austin, Texas WHOLE FOODS.  If you’re going to extort money from a target, dumbass, at least make it plausible; you might as well have claimed that the same thing happened in Frisco or Berkeley, California.  For its part, Whole Foods isn’t going to take this slur lying down.

Whole Foods on Tuesday said it has investigated and said the man, Jordan Brown, made fraudulent claims. Brown filed a lawsuit against Whole Foods.

In a countersuit filed in state district court in Travis County, Whole Foods says Brown “intentionally, knowingly and falsely accused Whole Foods and its employees of writing the homophobic slur… on a custom made cake that he ordered from WFM’s Lamar Store in Austin…”

The suit denies those claims, and accuses Brown of acting “with malice, and he has damaged the reputation and business of WFM.”

The lawsuit seeks at least $100,000 in damages from Brown.

FINAL SOLUTION


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Tuesday, April 19th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 44 Comments

As Fake NCR reports the story, Barack Obama may be preparing to leave office by selling out the Jews once and for all:

Washington has been abuzz over strong hints that President Obama is aiming to bury the last remnant of the Cold War, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Reports indicate the president is strongly considering breaking the deadlock in Israeli-Palestinian negotiations by joining in international recognition for a Palestinian state.

The feeling among the president’s top advisers and senior State Department officials is that an end-of-term initiative on behalf of Israeli-Palestinian peace will result in a positive legacy for Obama. They also hope it will renew international authority for the peace process and be a powerful incentive for preserving the two-state solution.

Even in Israel, the English-language daily Haaretz has reported that the Israeli government has analyzed three different scenarios that Obama may implement regarding the Israeli-Palestinian issue during his last months in office. According to Haaretz, the possibility deemed likeliest is U.S. support for a U.N. Security Council resolution on the Israeli-Palestinian issue.

This historic change of direction would move the peace process beyond the highest hurdle of all — U.S. use of its veto to defend Israel against U.N. resolutions.

With the U.S. either refraining from vetoing a resolution on the subject in the U.N. Security Council or even voting for it, the peace process would move to a different track, one where negotiations would take place between two states, Israel and Palestine, in a framework set by the international community with the legal force of the Security Council.

Until the Clinton administration, U.S. policy always backed negotiation within parameters set by the Security Council and international law. In the Clinton years, the U.S. gradually abandoned that language for Israeli language about (unmediated) two-party negotiation without reference to international standards.

In the move Obama seems set to make, he assures that his successor will have to move on a different playing field, one not defined by Israel unilaterally.

Chances?  Probably a non-starter.  Netanyahu will never go along with it, neither will the Congress or either of Obama’s likely Republican successors.  After all, what the US President giveth, the (next) US president can take away.

ARM THE KURDS


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Sunday, April 17th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 16 Comments

Explain to me again why Turkey should still be considered an American ally:

After 10 months of urban conflict in Turkey’s war-torn southeast, the government has expropriated huge sections of property, apparently to rebuild and restore the historical centre of the region’s largest city, Diyarbakir. 

But to the dismay of the city’s handful of Christian congregations, this includes all its Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant churches. Unlike the state-funded mosques, Turkey’s ancient church buildings – some of which pre-date Islam – have been managed, historically, by church foundations.

The new decision has effectively made the Diyarbakir churches – one 1,700 years old, another built only in 2003 – state property of Turkey, an Islamic country of 75 million.

The Kurds are a mostly-Islamic and amazingly tolerant people and the Peshmerga, the Kurdish army, has been the most effective fighters against the Islamic State.  Give them the tools and they’ll eradicate the IS cancer from off the face of the Earth.

HILLY TRILLY


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Saturday, April 16th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 30 Comments

A trillion-dollar tax increase?  HELLLLLLLLLLZ yeah, shouts Spectacularly Unqualified Old Woman Who Basically Slept Her Way To The Top:

Clinton: Right, but I also want to change…I didn’t get to the long-term part, but let me just finish on fairness quickly. I support the increase in minimum wage. I supported the Fight for 15. I think the way New York has done it makes a lot of sense, because, you know, applying it more quickly in New York City, having a more phased-in application upstate, keeping an eye out for unintended consequences. California’s doing something similar.

So I think raising the bottom historically has meant you also bump up those above the bottom. We also have to guarantee equal pay for women. And you know, people look at me when I say this like, “Well, that’s a luxury.” It’s a necessity. It goes into the wage base. It goes into the pocket book, and we have a continuing big problem about unequal pay for women. And the women’s soccer team is just the latest example. There’s a lot of issues around this because we have a lack of transparency.

So this is a big deal to me. I point out all the time, because when I’m speaking to big crowds, I say we have to guarantee equal pay for women. The women all applaud wildly, and a lot of the men are just sort of looking at me. And then I quickly say this is not just a women’s issue. It’s a family issue. If you have a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter who is not being paid fairly, she does not get a gender discount when she’s checking out at the supermarket. You’re a white woman, therefore you only have to pay 78 cents on the dollar, or you’re an African-American woman, you only have to pay 68 cents, or you’re a Latino, you only have to pay 58 cents. That doesn’t happen, so it is a family issue and it’s a broader issue of economic fairness and I would argue growth.

And then long-term, we’ve got to look at capital gains as well as corporate tax. I want to reward patient capital. I think the more we can try to nudge our business leadership into looking at what will grow their companies and grow their employment base.

And the final thing I’ll say about this, because I could talk on for a long time. When I was giving one of my economic speeches and I was looking through a lot of the reporting, there was a survey that had been done with leaders of major American corporations, people in the top 100, right? And they were asked a question, to paraphrase, that went like this, “If you could make an investment today in plant and equipment, in research, in training and education for your workforce and you could be guaranteed it would pay off in five to 10 years in your bottom line, but it would knock a penny off your share price, would you do it?” To a person, they said no. And I guessed that one of the people saying no is somebody I know who heads one of these big corporations. So I called that person up. I said, “Were you part of this?” “Yes,” the answer was. I said, “You really said no?” and the response was, “You have no idea. The activist shareholders, the market would destroy me. I can’t make those kinds of long-term investments.”

So we’re looking at the incredible cost that quarterly capitalism is imposing on our economy. And if we aren’t smart enough to figure out how to look at that and deal with it, shame on us. Because I remember when I went to law school, shareholders were not the only constituency of a corporation that had to be given priority, and we have slowly moved away from that for all kinds of legal and economic reasons and pressures. So we’ve got to take a look at how we are funding ourselves and the kind of pressures we are putting on corporations, which are driving American growth but not feeling like they can make the investments that will actually pay off.

Daily News: So on taxes, that I did call for among other things, a surcharge on incomes over $5 million, 30% minimum, the Buffett rule, over a million…

Clinton: Over a million. Yeah, right.

Daily News: …and then to carried interests, a change in capital gains that would reward people for holding for six years or more, I believe it is. How much revenue do you foresee coming off that and what will be the impact on growth?

Clinton: Well, I have connected up my proposals for the kind of investments I want to make with the taxes that I think have to be raised. So on individual pieces of my agenda, I try to demonstrate clearly that I have a way for paying for paid family leave, for example, for debt-free tuition. So I would spend about $100 billion a year. And I think it’s affordable, and I think it’s a smart way to make investments, to go back to our economic discussion, that will contribute to growing the economy.

Now I’m well aware that this is a heavy lift. I understand that. But I think connecting what I’m asking for to the programs, to the outcomes and results that I’m calling for give me a stronger hand, and that’s how I’m going to go at it.

Daily News: So if I understand you correctly, if you look at your proposals for college costs and for family leave, for infrastructure investments…

Clinton: Well, that’s a little bit different, because infrastructure investment, I’m still looking at how we fund the National Infrastructure Bank. It may be repatriation. That’s one theory, or something else. It’s about $100 billion a year.

Daily News: A hundred billion a year, so that comes out to about a trillion dollars…

Clinton: Over ten.

Daily News: …over ten years.

AND NOW…IDIOTS


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Friday, April 15th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 28 Comments

Desiccated, has-been actress takes slight lead in Donald Trump Batcrappery Stakes:

Actress Sharon Stone admits that she’s ready for Hillary, but is afraid for America’s future if White House hopeful Donald Trump is elected president — which she says could lead to another Holocaust.

“We have leaders and people who are trying to be leaders who are running campaigns based on fear, and that’s a contagion. It’s horrible. Holocausts have occurred when that fire catches loose,” the 58-year-old actress said in a Thursday interview with the Hollywood Reporter. 

The old broad may be on to something.  In the 1850’s, this country elected two Democratic presidents and got a civil war for its trouble.

It’s either that or early-onset dementia.

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK…


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Friday, April 15th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 24 Comments

I’ve said over and over that I support Ted Cruz for president this fall and I still do.  And I’m going to be a Ted Cruz man until I can’t be one any more and then we’ll see what we’ll see.  But I’m starting to think that the over-the-top, foot-to-the-floorboards, pedal-to-the-metal HYSTERIA about Donald Trump suggests that the American left isn’t terrified that Trump will fail but that he will succeed.  For example, don’t ever bring chalk to DePaul University:

DePaul University will no longer allow students to chalk political messages on the sidewalks of its campus because of the “offensive, hurtful, and divisive” nature of pro-Trump chalking found on campus last week.

“While these chalk messages are part of national agendas in a heated political battle, they appeared on campus at a time of significant racial tension in our country and on college campuses. DePaul is no exception,” Depaul’s vice president for student affairs Eugene Zdziarski wrote in a campus-wide email obtained by Campus Reform. “The university has been addressing campus climate issues in an effort to provide an inclusive and supportive educational environment. In this context, many students, faculty and staff found the chalk messages offensive, hurtful and divisive.”

Or Tulane.

A pro-Trump wall erected around a frat house at Tulane University sent students into an uproar, even causing some to eventually tear down the wall for its connotations of “xenophobia.”

Members of Tulane’s Kappa Alpha (KA) chapter explained that the wall was built as part of a yearly tradition in which new recruits are forced to assemble a barrier around the house for a game of capture the flag. This year, however, they painted “Make America Great Again” on the wall, which has become republican frontrunner Donald Trump’s campaign slogan.

Or Barry University.

One of the top golf programs in the country is no longer allowed to practice at the Trump Doral golf course because administrators deemed Donald Trump’s campaign rhetoric to be inconsistent with Barry University’s values.

Late last year, Barry University President Sister Linda Bevilacqua, in consultation with the Executive Committee of the Administration, determined that Trump’s campaign rhetoric conflicts with the university’s mission, triggering an automatic severing of relations with all businesses and organizations in which he holds a senior leadership position.

Or Ohio University.

National Greek leaders cancelled several events scheduled for an upcoming Greek Week at Ohio University after discovering students involved in Greek life graffitied pro-Trump messages on a free speech wall, including his popular promise to “build a wall.”

A letter addressed to the “OU Sorority and Fraternity Life community and supporters,” and signed by several national Greek organizations, condemned the message as “offensive and hurtful.”

Or the University of Kansas.

The University of Kansas is investigating pro-Donald Trump chalk that appeared on campus sidewalks Tuesday morning.

KU students took to Twitter this week to express their outrage over the political speech, saying they are troubled that some of their classmates are Trump supporters, and even comparing the chalk messages to the confederate flag.

The university said that they would have allowed students to chalk had they applied for approval, but allegedly had staff remove the unapproved chalking the day it was discovered.

Former student senator Shegufta Huma, however, argued that approval from the University is less important than the message itself, tweeting a photo of one chalking with the caption, “Is this the post-racial paradise folks pretend exists?”

“The issue isn’t whether a student chalked or if it was approved,” Huma tweeted later. “The issue is folks in the KU vicinity support a racist, sexist demagogue.”

Nor were the students mollified when the KU News service pointed out that the chalking may have been done by someone from outside the school community.

The chalking.  The “unapproved” chalking.  Seriously, KU?  You’re actually going there?

KU kidz?  Enjoy your careers as Burger King drive-through window guys.

GLASS HALF FULL


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, April 13th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 54 Comments

Look at it this way, Tar Heels.  North Carolina isn’t going to run out of baked beans any time soon so you’ve got that going for you:

[Morbidly obese crapumentarian] Michael Moore [whose moons regularly knock people down] joined rocker Bruce Springsteen and other celebrities in boycotting North Carolina after the state passed a religious freedom law that some have slammed as discriminatory against transgendered persons.

In a message posted to his Twitter account Tuesday, the 61-year-old [Stalinist crapumentary] filmmaker said that he has asked the distributor of his latest film, Where to Invade Next, to withhold the film from theaters in North Carolina due to the state’s “bigoted law against LGBTQ” people.

I’ve got news for you, lard ass.

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ANY MORE!!

Where to Invade Next opened to mixed reviews in February and drew the worst opening-weekend box office of Moore’s nearly three decade-long career.

Missouri has a similar law in the pipeline and the usual business groups here are already bitching about it.  If it gets through the General Assembly, it’ll go before Show-Me State voters so somebody make sure that the Fat Boy knows about it since his disapproval will pretty much guarantee the measure’s passage statewide.

Because Midwesterners need bratwurst, you know what I’m saying?  What we most emphatically don’t need is the Fat Boy coming to Missouri and eating all of it.

FUNDAMENTAL LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, April 13th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 22 Comments

Rush Limbaugh has this rule about talk radio that I think applies equally well to blogging.  If someone is determined to be a dumbass, the best thing to do is to get out their way and let them alone.  Dumbass The First:

Wielding coat hangers, a coalition of sixty abortion rights groups organized a rally in Warsaw, Poland, over the weekend to protest a proposed law that would further restrict legal abortions in the country.

One of the protesters, Anna Jakobic, said that the right to an abortion must be defended, especially if one has a baby with disabilities. “No government can decide this. Maybe they also want to prohibit oncological operations? Cancer is also live tissue,” she said.

Okay, Annie?  You do know, don’t you, that fetal cells grow into, well, people and stuff while cancer cells can only grow into still more cancer cells which are, like, fatal and stuff?  Anyhoo, Dumbass The Second:

West Hollywood Mayor Lindsey Horvath insists that Donald Trump must be banned from speaking in her city in the name of “diversity.”

Horvath defended her stance on CNN Tuesday, saying her city, which is the heart of the gay community in Los Angeles, was “open” and “welcoming” –and therefore the Republican presidential frontrunner could not campaign there.

“You know, West Hollywood is a very diverse community,” Horvath told CNN’s Brooke Baldwin. “We’re over 40 percent LGBT. We have Russian-speaking immigrants, some of whom were concentration camp survivors. We’re the first declared pro-choice city in America. Our city is very diverse, we’re very open, we’re very welcoming. And that’s the kind of community we want to continue to be.”

“And the way that Donald Trump has used hate speech, his violent tactics, and systemically targeting people for their religion, for their country of origin, for their gender, is not the kind of behavior, not the kind of language that we want in our community,” Horvath added.

Introducing Christopher Johnson’s First Law Of American Socio-Political Dicourse.  The first combatant in any debate to declare that opposition opinions constitute “bigotry” which need not and need never be refuted has lost the argument.

HIPSTER DOUCHEBAG WATCH


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Wednesday, April 13th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 13 Comments

You want a third helping of salad, Jimmy?!!  Coming right up, buddy:

A Brooklyn-based lab has successfully bred the world’s first Kale x Cannabis hybrid. The company, Williamsburg Wonders, announced today that the new cross, called Kaleabis, would be available as a superfood juice shot in Oregon dispensaries this summer.

The successful cross is the culmination of a two-year project that began with a Kickstarter campaign by Williamsburg Wonders’ founders, Mark and Todd Takota. When the Takota brothers announced their desire to breed a plant with the dietary benefits of kale and the therapeutic properties of cannabis, funding poured in. The project reached its investment goal in less than a week, significantly outpacing other local investment opportunities like DIY mustache wax and kombucha colonics.

Kombucha colonics.  I don’t

EVEN

want to know.

MRS. CLINTON?


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Monday, April 11th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 59 Comments

Your old boss has some bad news for you:

On this weeks broadcast of “Fox News Sunday,” President Barack Obama “guaranteed” his former Secretary of State and now current Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton would not get special treatment or protection from his administration with regard to the current FBI investigation into how she handled classified materiel on her private email server.

When asked if she will be treated the same as anyone else under the law, President Obama said, “I can guarantee that.”

He continued, “I do not talk to the Attorney General about pending investigations. I do not talk to FBI directors about pending investigations. We have a strict line … I guarantee that there is no political influence in any investigation conducted by the Justice Department, or the FBI, not just in this case, but in any case.”

Wallace asked, “even if she ends up as the Democratic nominee?”

Obama insisted, “How many times do I have to say it, Chris? Guaranteed.”

Do you believe him?  On one level, no way in hell; the man had to say that.  What’s he going to say on national television?  “The Justice Department will absolutely cover for her, Chris.  While we would normally come down like a ton of bricks on anyone accused of doing what Mrs. Clinton did, her presidential candidacy is too important to allow anything or anyone to jeopardize it.”

Can’t see it happening.

On the other hand, the President’s statement is entirely plausible since the Clintons don’t like Obama very much and the feeling seems to be mutual (why Hill ever got State astounds me).  So Hillary’s potential indictment could be a way for the progressives to push all-in with the Communist the Socialist Bernie Sanders.  Or it could be Obama’s way of telling Hillarybilly that she’s on her own.

NO NEW THING UNDER THE SUN


Posted by Christopher Johnson | Monday, April 11th, 2016 | Uncategorized | 12 Comments

Tyler Durden on the return of the coffee machine:

McDonald’s has been spotted testing a self-serve McCafe coffee station/kiosk out in downtown Chicago. The station is located in the restaurant but apart from the counter and looks to be a theoretically more convenient way for those who just want a cup of coffee to skip the regular line (while also freeing employees from having to make each drink in the back).

According to Brand Eating, “drink options include lattes, mochas, and cappuccinos that are customizable with various flavorings, types of milk, and amount of espresso. There doesn’t seem to be an option for drip coffee. The price for the drinks is $2.99. The concept and set up is very similar to McDonald’s Create Your Taste customized ordering available at some restaurants.

It’ll be interesting to see how this idea pans out.  I used to love the old coffee vending machines.  I thought it was great that you could drop a few coins into a slot and receive a nice, hot cup of coffee.  By today’s taste standards, I guess that the stuff that came out of those machines was dreadful.

That never used to bother me since my coffee standards were and are pretty minimal.  My coffee must be hot, it must be some shade of brown and it must taste like actual coffee was involved in its preparation process at some point.

I guess that how the coffee actually tastes will be the determining factor of whether this idea succeeds or not.  If people don’t like the stuff, these new machines will quickly go the way of the old coffee vending machines.

But if people do like the product, expect Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, Tim Horton’s and other companies to come out with their own proprietary versions.  Maybe they’ll even have machines outside of their facilities, in places like schools, shopping malls and whatnot, where only soda or candy machines exist now.

And this could negatively impact the job possibilities of future Art History or Gender Studies majors.  But if you want to make an omelette, as they say.

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